I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
