This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
