We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
