Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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