lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
