did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
