Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
