Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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