Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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