Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize