I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
