I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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