New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
