The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
