Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you didnt know i had herpes?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
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Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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