So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
