Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
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Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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