i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
