apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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