it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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