Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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