I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
