My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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