We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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