I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
