Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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