we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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