I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i've created a new STD.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
