does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
