distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Come on in and take your pants off
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