I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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