When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
