the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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