the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
