I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
