just tell him i said nine months
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
