Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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