Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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