I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
