I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
