Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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