My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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