i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
