im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
