I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
