yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My dick has a subreddit
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
