and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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