i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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