He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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