this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
