Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
