I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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