We got so high we made milksteak
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
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I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
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Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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