clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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