Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I want a musical about memes.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
