just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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