dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
