i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
