do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
