My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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