I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
