the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
