I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
