why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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