:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
