Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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