You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
