She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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