Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
