Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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