Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We are two peas in an std pod
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
