So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
