I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize