Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
