when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
