my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
