so that wasnt chicken after all
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
are you so shy because you have an std?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
